Grab some popcorn and play my theme song, it's blog post time! Blog post number seven! The Rejection Post! The Final Blog Post!
I gotta admit something people. I'm a little bit tired this week. A bit worn down. Burnt out, if you will. Maybe some would even describe me as weary...point is, you get the point.
I'm probably going to just phone this post in for the week, you know? And if that's the case, that means I want to focus on nothing that is good, as opposed to very serious, intelligent, important topics like...typologies. So that's going to have to wait a week. Sorry typology fans.
We now have a dilemma on our hands though. With such an unimportant blog post, what are we going to focus on? What topic is not worth your time?
Why, none other than my rejected pictures! I mean, we've all got them...those terrible pictures, hidden deep within a pile of folders on the computer, never wanting them to see the light of day again. But I'm going to take them out. I'm going to post them on this blog. They will be available for all the public to see. For everyone to post comments about them on the blog.
And then I'll delete those comments so my ego doesn't get shattered.
Now to give a bit of a background here on what you're about to see...once in school, we did this cross processing project. I made color film using black and white chemicals. To this day I have no idea what I did, but I did it. However...I also got some slide film cross processed with normal color stuff. So now that I've proven I didn't learn anything from that project....RELEASE THE PICTURES!
I got some 'splainin to do.
There I was, by myself, at the playground, trying to figure out what on earth I could take pictures of. I was thinking textures at first. So I took a few of those, still unsure of myself. I swung on the swings, remembering how fun it used to be to go to a playground as a kid...and then I had this amazing idea.
What if I showed...like...the loss of youth? I would take off my adult, Velcro shoes and have them stand empty amongst a playground! It was beautiful, it was poetic, it was the most artistic photography idea I ever had!
And it was executed horribly. No one really knew what the pictures meant. And they were red due to the cross processing. And my shoes were ugly. And they stunk. The pictures, not my shoes.
Needless to say, those ones didn't make the critique. But what DID make the critique was some of my black and white dirt roads. And of my black and white dirt roads, there were two pictures I liked a lot, but knew "I better not put these on the wall"
I personally think these pictures are creepy. Like, ooooh, creepy dirt road. Blurriness! As if I was running from some chainsaw wielding maniac! Or...the car. Teenagers are ALWAYS in a car laughing and telling jokes and doing illegal activities with bad substances. But then they get a flat or something. Then the guy comes out chasing them.
Now photographically speaking, are they good? Eh, probably not. But in terms of an online-viral-marketing-found-footage-horror-movie type deal....they could possibly work. We just need to photoshop into the pictures one of these:
Ok....Done! There we go! Quick and painless this week! I hope the shortness pleases you all, even you typology fans!
It's that time again! A new blog post! Blog post number six! The Disney Post! The Final Blog Post!
As you have no doubt guessed by the title, that means we won't be doing typologies this week. I saw some cool pictures spreading across the internet, so I decided to pounce on them before anyone else does. Early bird gets the worm, eh? So no typologies again. Sorry.
So, Disney...what recent Disney thing am I going to talk about? Can it perhaps be....another plug for my hit Disney-inspired-musical, Journey into Zombiefication Part I and Part 2?
Or can it be that I want to waste everybody's time, and post Nigel-Disney gifs?
Unsurprisingly, it's none of these! I'm going to talk about a photographer and his work! WHOOAA! GIANT MOVIE TWIST!
(Note: Not a Disney Movie)
Who is that photographer? Why it is none other, than world famous, super well known, internationally acclaimed photographer, Thomas Czarnecki!
Please note that Thomas's website is written in French, so I have no idea what his accomplishments are. But I think it says he's had expositions in Paris? Seems legit enough for me!
Anyway, what Thomas did was make a series of photographs called "From Enchantment To Down." What they show, is...dead/murdered Disney princesses. And like, before anyone freaks out, it's not the REAL princesses in the pictures. It's just models PRETENDING to be dead. You can relax, Cinderella is still safe.
Alrighty, let's dive into this. Cinderella, I choose you!
I think you guys are going to need to enlarge these to get the full details. But here, we've got Cinderella, who has fallen and can't get up. Glass slipper at the top, pumpkin at the bottom, and creepy "The End Is Near" writing on the wall. The streetlight does a good job of being the light source for poor Cinderella. Combine that with the vignetting going on, it pretty much brings your eye down the steps, and right to her. Personally speaking, this is my favorite of his set....which means...the next pictures I think are worse than this one! Haha! Briliant!
Onto Little Red Riding Hood!
Firstly, I'm not sure why she has what appears to be a wine bottle. Or champagne. I'm not wise when it comes to alcoholic bottles. But that's besides the point.
I think it seems believable. I mean, if she died there, in the doorway...then in theory, you would need a longer exposure to capture the barn interior, thus overexposing the exterior!
But....it doesn't really explain how she died. Like with Cinderella, you can maybe guess she fell down the steps or something. And I suppose we can assume that maybe a wolf attacked her upper half...but I think it would be cooler if we saw wolf tracks in the dirt. Unless that's not how she died. Maybe the manner of death isn't even important? Beats me. When it comes down to it, the picture works...but maybe it could be a bit better.
Chapter three. Snow White
Now we're starting to see a pattern form. This is pretty much the same exact thing as the previous picture, and pose as the previous two. I mean, I'm well aware that if one were to suddenly die in an open space, they wouldn't be standing or posed in a yoga position. But it's very...plain. Because it's a parking garage. I repeat, a parking garage. See, every other picture Thomas did, the setting was fairly believable for the story. You may argue Cinderella didn't have electric street lamps, but they had lanterns back then, and it could theoretically be possible.
But this? A concrete parking garage! Come on Thomas! Try harder! Nothing angers me more than a photographer who puts his subject in the center of the picture against a very plain background! Nothing!
I'm liking this one. It's got a bit of a Red Letter Media Movie Review vibe going, eh? ......No one is getting that joke.
I'll be the first to admit though, I don't really know much about Alice in Wonderland....I don't really like it. I got into a giant fight last year over it....with a teacher. So I don' really know how Alice got killed here. But dang it, I like it. She's not lying down! She's tied up in a chair in a basement! And although the light seems unrealistic, it really adds a nice dramatic flair. I think the obvious and stereotypical way to light this would have been to do an overhead lighting scenario, like in movie interrogation scenes. But I like what he did here, using her and her bright blue dress to contrast against everything else down there. Nice.
Next victim...Ariel!
I just added this one because it's a girl wearing nothing but sea shells and plastic. Next!
....Ok, fine, I'll talk about it.
Firstly, her positioning is...slightly different. She's on her back, as opposed to her stomach. I guess that's pretty good.
Cause of death? ...Well...I'm not sure. I don't know if that plastic is her fins, or if she was swimming, got caught up in garbage, died, washed up on shore, and her fins turned into legs.
My big problem though? The lighting! Again! All the other ones, it was...atleast ok. Streetlights, outside sunlight, and even for Alice and Snow White, an off-screen opening or doorway that's bringing light in. But here? Since she's out in the open, it's just this weird, bright light that shines over her corpse. It's a bit cringe worthy, really.
I don't know what I would do differently...but I would do a lot of things differently.
I mean, I've got ideas, but I figure I shouldn't say them, just in case I ever get falsely accused for murder in a way that is similar to what I'm thinking.
Not that like, I come up with ideas on how to murder princesses in my free time....or when I'm busy! I mean, I don't come up with any murder ideas at all! None! I am firmly against murder! Right?! Right! Next picture please!
Look at it. It's pretty much falling in line with the others ones. I think she may even be in the exact pose as Snow White and Cinderella. There's nothing really left to say about this that hasn't been touched upon in the other ones except....that smoke. Mein Gott! Everything up to this point has look fairly realistic...but man. That's some terrible genie smoke. Maybe they don't have smoke bombs in France? I'm not sure but...dang, that needs some work.
...Although if it turns out that it IS real smoke, then boy, am I ever going to have egg on my face.
And that's all I'm going to delve into. There's a Sleeping Beauty (but with adult magazines around in the picture) in a bed, there's a Pocahontas in a new pose, but surrounded by dead animals ( sad face :( ), and there's a Belle...but it's pretty much just a rehash of some of the others.
On a side note, I often find that unskilled writers, when needing to come up with conclusions to their writings, often begin with "In conclusion." To me, that's just shows laziness, and that they feel like they spent enough time talking about what they needed to talk about that coming up with an interesting phrase is too much of a hassel.
In conclusion, those pictures, as individual pictures, for the most part work. As a series? Ehhhhhh....I really think there needs to be some variety to them. But you know what? The man freakin' said "I'm going to make a photographic series of Disney Princesses and their deaths!" ...or, well, he probably said something more like "Jevais faireune sériephotographique deprincesses Disneyetleursdécès!" But no matter what the language, I think the idea is pretty commendable. Bravo Thomas. You have not achieved perfection, but you have slightly impressed me.
Next week on |The Absolute Value|, Chris takes a look at typologies! Also, don't miss Chris's suggestion for Thomas's next photographic Disney series, Nigel Princesses!
No! No more blogs about realistic human behaving war animals! Stop!
Thank you.
Ahem, welcome to blog post number five! The Documentary Post! The Final Blog Post!
Now, I know last week I promised this week we would talk about typologies...but....well, something came up. I got to play tour guide on a trip to Centralia, in which I literally got replaced by an actual tour guide. So this week's topic, as said in the title, will be some Centralia pictures, as opposed to typologies. Sorry to disappoint you typology fans again.
Now some of you littluns may not know about Centralia. Some of you biguns may be well aware of it the story. If you know it, skip to the next paragraph. If you don't, here is an extremely brief summary that doesn't do the long story justice. Back in 1962, a mine fire was accidentally started under the quaint little town of Centralia. People tried to put it out but failed, and the fire spread. In 1981 a sinkhole opened up under a kid, and had he not grabbed a tree branch, he would have fallen into the fires and died. Everyone panicked, the state began to move people out, a few die-hard residents decided to stay, and under ten people remain living in Centralia today. But for a more fleshed out version of the story, as well as some other Centralia information, I direct your attention to the Offroaders website.
Ok, so, everyone is caught up on at least the basics of Centralia. And when people hear about the basics of Centralia, they usually expect crazy pictures. The entire landscape covered in fog. Old, decrepit buildings with broken windows and roofs missing from the houses. A giant pit with flames at the bottom.
At least, that's what I thought I would find the first time I went there. That's really not the case though. Photography people, get ready, because I'm going to cross over from history lecture to pretty pretty pictures!
That's mainly it. You may want to enlarge it after reading my description of what you're looking at it. It's basically the layout of a town. You can see the road, but instead of houses, now trees grow in the vacant lots. In the middle right side of the picture, there's a still running Centralia Fire station. And in the middle leftish, a small church that sits on top of a hill. And to the bottom left of that, a small orange dot with a white triangle (you probably can't see it, but in higher resolution, it's there). That's some people doing road work. When you really look at it, there's still activity going on in the town. Sure, not a lot, but there's certainly signs of modern times.
By the way, how bad is the sky in that picture? Sheesh, must have been taken by some amateur! Am I right?! Hah...yeah....moving on....
One thing I should stress though, is that, just because there's activity going on in Centralia...it doesn't mean that all the activity is good. The dang kids have ruined the town. A few years ago, a group of teenagers destroyed a bunch of tombstones in one of Centralia's cemeteries. There's a highway lined with graffiti (more on that later). But perhaps worst of all, is Centralia has become a dumping ground for trash.
Now that's just one of the spots that is covered in trash. Sometimes, you'll find dense trash piles. Other areas like this are more spread out. But I've counted 29 car tires in this picture alone. That's not counting the bags and bottles and plastic whozits and whatzits. Personally, it just saddens me. We got a town where people just want to live peacefully. But due to the lack of residents and police, it's treated as nothing more than a dumping ground by hooligans.
...Speaking of hooligans..
Please ignore those dang hooligans super-best-friends-4-life in the upper right corner of the picture.
Anyway, you're probably wondering...what is this a picture of, Chris?
Well...I don't know. One theory is that this was once a sacrificial altar, built in ancient times by aliens. Another theory is that this is the remains of a more modern structure. A house, maybe...a concrete something. Or like...a testing thing for the air. I don't know. But the point is, this was something. Someone said "I'm going to make this concrete/cementish thing and put metal through it to do something!" and now....now it sits alone, in Centralia, crumbling away day by day until nothing will remain, many years from now.
So, the smokeless hills of Centralia were departed, and a new destination was found. That, of the original spot the fire started. Of course, it's all covered in dirt. They don't want people running into a burning mine fire, I suppose. So what now stood over the grounds of history?
I think it's like, a vent. To relieve pressure...I'm not quite sure...this was where our tour guide was first run into, and at that point, I was thinking "I hope she doesn't murder us" and less focusing on what this actually was.
But how about that black and white, eh? I'm not really a super big black and white fan, actually but here...well...there really wasn't much color in it anyway, so I said "Let's go black and white"
After viewing that, you now know why I never make things black and white.
The next pictures...they can't be black and white. Well, they could, but they wouldn't show off the colors of the graffiti on the abandoned highway. That's right, there is an abandoned highway that leads into Centralia. This here is why it was abandoned:
Have a go at this! The road is split in half! That goes like, 50 feet. It gets about as deep as I'd say...2-3 feet, judging by the road's height when you stand in it. And generally speaking, it's safe. Sure some smelly smoke comes out, but you can walk in it, stand in it, jump in it.
But truly, it is an impressive sight. Seeing the layers of rock go down...some plants growing out...it makes you realize what will happen to the world if people just disappeared. Sure, a crack this big won't form as fast without the help of mine fires....but this here...this is truly a look into a post apocalyptic future.
Finally, I'll end it with a summarizing picture, and an inspirational concluding monologue.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury....you have seen the evidence. Centralia has been given an unjust reputation as a dangerous town...a scary town..."Helltown USA!" All it is though, is just people living their lives...and nobody cares about them. Their infrastructure decays from age...their homes....destroyed. The landscape...littered...and miles upon miles...of some of the must vulgar graffiti you can imagine. It is not Centralia that is the monster....it is us.
END SCENE
But like seriously, the picture has the crack, it's got the garbage, it's got the graffiti...it even has a faint wisp of Centralia smoke in the crack! See it? It's in the area that looks like someone went into photoshop and decided to take out a bunch of contrast!
There we have it. Another entry done. Kids, be sure to tune in next week, as I take a closer look at...you guessed it!
No! Not animal's acting like people! Typologies! TYPOLOGIES DANG IT!
Welcome to blog post number four! My Birthday Blog Post! The Final Blog Post!
As much as it may pain all of my amazing fans and required readers...today, I'm going to be very serious. No fun and games. No comedy. This is strictly business.
I know that disappoints many, many people. But you artistic people may soon be singing a new tune, since I am going to be talking about...typology!
So why are we talking about typologies? Well, the other day in my wonderfully joyous photography class, everyone was like "Yo Chris! Start doing some typologies, brother!" and I gave my political response of "If I am elected your representative, I will look investigate the use of typologies in my future work! God Bless America!"
So to begin, we must first google example typologies. Easy enough, I just typed in "typology photography" and started looking through all the images. And what we find is that many of the-
....Oh my God....
Is that....?
YES!!!
Holy crap! There's a person out there that takes pictures of WAR CHICKENS! Or like, chickens that want to pretend they're military generals! Or something like that! This is absolutely amazing! Screw typologies, that's next blog post! This is now officially about chickens!
Look, her work may not be exactly what I myself want to make, but dang it, there comes a time when you need to share a photographer with the world, and this is it.
Now looking at her site, she doesn't just do chickens. She shoots other birds, other animals...and she does it with the final pieces looking like paintings. Some may call it gimmicky. I call it genius. I mean, we haven't seen animals acting like realistic people since the black-and-white movie era!
I'm about to post some more example pictures. But I'm going to make it into a little bit of a game. You get to decide which are photographs of a rooster, a duck, and a sheep, and which are portraits of General Patton, General Eisenhower, and General MacArthur. Go!
Well, I bet that was really tough for you to figure out which was which (Hint: The animals all have the name Cally Whitham in the bottom corner). But it should have been tough! All of these pictures show heroic figures. Figures with a face of brimming with confidence. A strong body position, showcasing only the most perfect poise! Light and shadows falling all across the subjects, yet having them stand out against the background!
Honestly, I would totally give up everything if I could make animals look like they led troops in a war. But...I really only have access to a cat. And she's much too cute to make into a war hero. I figure that means I'll just let Cally Whitham stick to what she's doing. I really don't want to steal her idea. Even if her idea wasn't combining Watership Down with Animal Farm with Lord of the Rings, well....that's what I'm imagining.
Now to wrap this up...with Cally being from New Zealand...and this post having a very American war theme....Let us celebrate the glorious country of New Zealand with its national anthem!
Thank you. God Defend New Zealand!
And yeah, sorry to disappoint you looking for typologies. Unless you're reading this months later, you're just going to have sit back and wait!
