It is here. It is time. It is blog post number eleven! The FINAL Blog Post! The Final Blog post!
It's been a semester in the making. This is it. The finale for this story arc. Get in the mood with this optional piece of music by immediate music.
Why all this fanfare and hype? Because for those of you who don't read blog entry titles, this week is about....Typologies!
Yes! Yes! Yes! It is typology time! So who's ready to dive into typologies?! Let's goooooo! Huzzah!
So what is a typology in the photography world? To copy and paste this information from Flickr:
"Typology: The study of types, and a photographic typology is a suite of images or related forms, shot in a consistent, repetitive manner; to be fully understood, the images must be viewed as a complete series."
Typologies. They're like lots of pictures together, but a lot of pictures together that are the same. Hey, I know! Let's make a typology of gifs! Right here, right now!
Yeaaahhhh! Awesome! Typologies!!!! Thank you everybody! That was the greatest! Was that not the greatest blog post ever?!
Thank you! Much appreciated! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Goodnight, and good luck!
If you're reading this right now, then you are mentally prepared for yet another...blog post! Blog post number ten! The Eulogy Blog Post! The Final Blog Post!
Now last time, I said something like "next week, typologies." Well, a week went by, and there wasn't even a single blog post from me! Wha?!?!
Right you are, Ancient Aliens guy! I devoted all my free time to worrying about the art show instead of writing. Therefore, there was no typology blog last week, and this week's blog is about the previously mentioned art show! See how it ties together?
Sorry to break it to you, typology fans. Just wait one more week. Then, you will see it. My blog post dedicated to nothing but typologies. So go ahead, leave and wait until then. You won't be disappointed!
Onto the art show eulogy!
Ahem.
Art show. Senior Art Show. You arrived, and just as quickly, you left.
And thank God for that. I can only hope I never have to go through that experience again.
Don't get me wrong, the actual three hours of the event? Not that bad, although not great. But the preparation for an art show? What kind of masochistic fools would do this for a living? I mean, unless you're some famous person who has an entourage of servants who will do everything you demand, then why even bother? To me, it seems like a giant money losing scheme designed to cause nothing but stress.
Take me for instance. I was part of Team Portfolio. That can't be too bad, right? Wrong. Somehow in the course of two weeks, I've gotten every single person mad at me at least once. No idea how, actually. You make some hard decisions, you try to do what's right, and the next thing you know, you're out walking alone on the streets of Scranton at midnight.
But even that's probably nothing to the actually hanging process. I don't understand how people survived six hours of hanging photos. That's insane. That's what the North Koreans do to people who speak badly about their leader. But they only make them hang photos for five hours. Yet this is all for the art show.
Yes, the art show. You know what? In the name of art, I'm going to describe my feelings of the art show through the use of pictures...moving pictures, actually. They're called gifs.
At first, I was nervous about going.
But then I arrived...
And all too late realized my mistake.
See, it's not the art that I don't like at the art show. It's the culture. It's the formality. Me, I hate formality. Look at me, I'm posting gifs on a comedic blog for a class assignment. If it's formal, unless it's a wedding or a funeral, it's most likely a terrible event (although some may describe both of those previously mentioned examples the same way).
It doesn't matter if it's an art show. Or if it's a hall of fame sports star celebration. Or if it's the Academy Awards. I just don't feel comfortable dressing up nicely to celebrate. ESPECIALLY....when I'm part of the celebrated peoples. Like, hey, if a lot of people want to get together and say "We did a good job" then that's awesome, great self-esteem builder. But when I'm part of that group, I hate it. I didn't do anything worthy of having a giant event. I didn't save anybody's life or break a world record. I took some pictures, printed them, framed them, and put them on a wall. I don't see how that's cause for celebration.
Clearly, I'm in the vast minority here. People like celebrating their accomplishments. Even I do a little bit. But I'd much prefer a nice, personal compliment than a giant show where I say "Look at what I did!"
Basically, I would rather be shown respect in this way:
And not this way:
And really....isn't that what we all want? Right guys?
Hey everybody! It's time for a new blog post! Blog post number nine! The Movie Post! The Final Blog Post!
Today, live, right here in class, we are going to be watching some movie. No idea what it is. But supposedly, it's a movie about a photographer or something. That means, no typologies today. So that will have to wait until next week. Again.
So sit back and relax as I give play-by-play thoughts of what I think of...whatever this is I'm about to see.
Paul Strand! That's his name! That's who this documentary is about. Paul Strand...in a dark room.
Judging from the fact that they're talking about how "photography at that time needed to be shown it was an art" that pretty much means that Paul Strand is old. Good use of context clues!
So here's something difficult I'm realizing about talking about a live movie about a photographer. See, they show lots of photos, and since it's a movie I don't have, I can't really say "Hey, look at this picture" 'cause you know, it's on a projector, not a computer. Thus, I will have to just talk about the picutres
Like this one right here. It's a guy that is standing against a brick wall. It's black and white. He's got a mustache. And a hat. And a fancy old timey jacket. How do I know all this? The movie appears frozen. Either that, or this is a really dramatic pause. This is going on for about a minute now. I also wouldn't be surprised if it was a screamer. Those always get me.
With this break, I can now research Paul Strand. He died in 1976. So my original conclusion of him being old was slightly correct. It's just that he's also dead.
Oh! It's back! With a picture of Oddjob from James Bond!
What?! It's changed to video now?! What is this demonry!? Oh. Wait, Strand is still photographing. It's just his friend that has the camera. They're making a film. With very scary music. And lots of trains and cars.
Here we go! The love story is coming out! Rebecca somebody! And she looks pretty old. And she likes rocks.
Now we're getting...plants. And leaves. These pictures are about are exciting as a Chris Hesser advertising shot! Oh! BURN!!!
We also get close up details of the plants. It's like the movie Powers of Ten...but with plants and rocks, and no outer space.
Also, for some reason, Rebecca's interview is taking place in an MRI room.
Onto portrait shots done artistically. And boy, let me tell you, that girl has fingers that would rival Salad Fingers.
Meanwhile in Canada! The narrator uses the word "landscape" so that means we are switching to yet another genre of pictures. Narrator talks about the problems with telephone lines and white skies...can you imagine the days back when Photoshop didn't exist? So primitive!
Uh oh! Rebecca is starting to move away! ...And the old lady who I thought was Rebecca now referred to Rebecca. So either she's really lost it in old age, or she's not Rebecca.
...Honestly, not sure.
Meanwhile in New Mexico! The light is different down there. At least, that's what they say. I ain't never been there, but it seems logical. I mean, aliens crashed there, so maybe they got confused by the light. The light, that makes the churches purple when photographed by Strand! See? I make connections.
Awww...I just thought we had an awesome picture of an old cowboy, but it was just the MRI Lady. She still looks tough enough to win in a shoot out duel.
1932, Strand leaves Mexico and goes to "Old Mexico." I can see someone like Glenn Beck interpreting that as Strand sensing the outbreak of a war and getting ready to draft dodge. Come on Fox, hop on this story!
Paully is now trying to show social art in Mexico. Now he has emotional reason to do it...and got hired to do a film. Movie film, for clarification. So he's taking shots of clothes on a clothes line. Unless the Three Amigos appear, I have a feeling he won't be winning an Oscar anytime for that.
Oh, he's trying to get mood and light with his film, and he's looking at it through a photographer view and not a film maker....He should stick to his day job after seeing the results. But to be fair, were there really any good movies back in the 1930's, save for Wizard of Oz?
I'm fairly certain Ed Wood used a lot of this footage for some of his films. Very stock-y-ish with the waves crashing on the shore.
Ok, I'm figuring that pretty much nobody is going to read this. It's quite boring. So even though there's like, 30 minutes left...I think I'll just....not write anything but give some closing thoughts later on. Because now we're getting war planes and facism in Spain. So I'm guessing Paul Strand is like, an old Forrest Gump....nah, Forrest Gump was good. He was more of an old Benjamin Button.
Wait, I just have to say that this voice they just used was about as creepy as the Max Headroom Hoax video.
Warning: Disturbing Video
Very quickly, another note, they have a new old lady. She looks like Eloise Hawking from Lost. Here's a picture I stole from the youtube video of the movie.
You may be saying: Chris, how can you get that screen grab of her, but nothing else? Well, I decided that of all the frames in the movie that would be worth it to find on youtube after I saw the movie originally, that was the one. Besides, I can't honestly go and get every single piece of grass, can I? So just pretend I had that picture ready the whole time, and that this whole blog wasn't written during the moving, and that this paragraph wasn't written four hours after the fact. Although, now would be a good time to mention that if I made an incoherent sentence above, well, that's to be expected. I can't multitask. I'm a man. Ok, I'm going to end this paragraph. Not that it matters. None of you will read it...unless of course, I put a gif in, that won't segue into the next, and final, paragraph in the slightest!
Ok, this movie is never ending. It's longer than the Never Ending Story. So basically, Paul went around the world and took pictures of stuff. Mexico. Africa. Plants. Leaves. Picasso. And then I think he died. So let's end this. Turn off the blog now!
After a one week break, it is time once again for yet another blog post! Blog post number eight! The Return Post! The Final Blog Post!
But yeah, I decided to take last week off with Spring Break and all. But alas, it's over.
So with break over, let us now restart with a bang. That's right. The subject everybody has been waiting for. The topic that seems to be just too hot to handle. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for......
The BeetleCam!
Now I know some of you were expecting a different topic...but...just wait one more week, okay? Typologies will always be around, news stories won't!
What exactly is a BeetleCam? Well, these two dudes, Will and Matt Burrard-Lucas made this camera back in 2009 that traveled along the ground to get pictures of wild animals in Africa. Then some lions destroyed it, because lions are jerks like that. So they built some armored ones...and now with all their success, their selling them. So if you guys want to buy them or read more details or just peruse all the pictures at your leisure then go click this HYPERLINK to travel the information super highway!
How did the pictures come out? Well...for what is essentially a suicidal robot camera, they came out pretty amazing! I really don't think there's much to talk about critically. Technically, they're sound. There's no artistic meaning behind them since they're just freakin' amazing close up shots of animals. I share mainly because some guys came up with a great idea to get amazing photos in a very safe way.
Now before we go on, for those of you who like the Lion King, you may want to get the sound track ready and listen to it. I personally hate the Lion King because my parents made me go see it, and then the movie was loud and I didn't like that as a young child. But no one cares about what I think, you fellas just want...Lions
Crikey! Have a go at this! We are getting perhaps some of the best close up looks at wild, ferocious creatures in their natural habitat! I mean, we can literally count the flies buzzing around!
I decided to include this picture, mainly for the dead animal in the back. Now, there's other more graphic pictures on the website, but I don't want to freak anybody out too badly. But just sit back and think about this. We've got a giant beast here in the middle of the meal. You go up to it as a person, it's going to think you want to steal it, and well...you'll be the next meal. But with the BeetleCam, the lion just mostly ignores it. Cutting edge of technology, I tell ya.
For those of you bummed out over a dead animal, I'm going to make it up to you now....with...lion cubs!
Oh my God! Look how cute they are! They're so adorable! I want to adopt them all and take them home and name them cute names! Like Mittens! And Fuzzy! And Constantine!
Ok, ok...Need to get back to reality here! Can't take anymore cuteness! Must...finish...blog post!
BeetleCam. Awesome invention. Great photos. 1,250 British pounds. And the best way to get great wild life shots since the Zero-One!
Grab some popcorn and play my theme song, it's blog post time! Blog post number seven! The Rejection Post! The Final Blog Post!
I gotta admit something people. I'm a little bit tired this week. A bit worn down. Burnt out, if you will. Maybe some would even describe me as weary...point is, you get the point.
I'm probably going to just phone this post in for the week, you know? And if that's the case, that means I want to focus on nothing that is good, as opposed to very serious, intelligent, important topics like...typologies. So that's going to have to wait a week. Sorry typology fans.
We now have a dilemma on our hands though. With such an unimportant blog post, what are we going to focus on? What topic is not worth your time?
Why, none other than my rejected pictures! I mean, we've all got them...those terrible pictures, hidden deep within a pile of folders on the computer, never wanting them to see the light of day again. But I'm going to take them out. I'm going to post them on this blog. They will be available for all the public to see. For everyone to post comments about them on the blog.
And then I'll delete those comments so my ego doesn't get shattered.
Now to give a bit of a background here on what you're about to see...once in school, we did this cross processing project. I made color film using black and white chemicals. To this day I have no idea what I did, but I did it. However...I also got some slide film cross processed with normal color stuff. So now that I've proven I didn't learn anything from that project....RELEASE THE PICTURES!
I got some 'splainin to do.
There I was, by myself, at the playground, trying to figure out what on earth I could take pictures of. I was thinking textures at first. So I took a few of those, still unsure of myself. I swung on the swings, remembering how fun it used to be to go to a playground as a kid...and then I had this amazing idea.
What if I showed...like...the loss of youth? I would take off my adult, Velcro shoes and have them stand empty amongst a playground! It was beautiful, it was poetic, it was the most artistic photography idea I ever had!
And it was executed horribly. No one really knew what the pictures meant. And they were red due to the cross processing. And my shoes were ugly. And they stunk. The pictures, not my shoes.
Needless to say, those ones didn't make the critique. But what DID make the critique was some of my black and white dirt roads. And of my black and white dirt roads, there were two pictures I liked a lot, but knew "I better not put these on the wall"
I personally think these pictures are creepy. Like, ooooh, creepy dirt road. Blurriness! As if I was running from some chainsaw wielding maniac! Or...the car. Teenagers are ALWAYS in a car laughing and telling jokes and doing illegal activities with bad substances. But then they get a flat or something. Then the guy comes out chasing them.
Now photographically speaking, are they good? Eh, probably not. But in terms of an online-viral-marketing-found-footage-horror-movie type deal....they could possibly work. We just need to photoshop into the pictures one of these:
Ok....Done! There we go! Quick and painless this week! I hope the shortness pleases you all, even you typology fans!
It's that time again! A new blog post! Blog post number six! The Disney Post! The Final Blog Post!
As you have no doubt guessed by the title, that means we won't be doing typologies this week. I saw some cool pictures spreading across the internet, so I decided to pounce on them before anyone else does. Early bird gets the worm, eh? So no typologies again. Sorry.
So, Disney...what recent Disney thing am I going to talk about? Can it perhaps be....another plug for my hit Disney-inspired-musical, Journey into Zombiefication Part I and Part 2?
Or can it be that I want to waste everybody's time, and post Nigel-Disney gifs?
Unsurprisingly, it's none of these! I'm going to talk about a photographer and his work! WHOOAA! GIANT MOVIE TWIST!
(Note: Not a Disney Movie)
Who is that photographer? Why it is none other, than world famous, super well known, internationally acclaimed photographer, Thomas Czarnecki!
Please note that Thomas's website is written in French, so I have no idea what his accomplishments are. But I think it says he's had expositions in Paris? Seems legit enough for me!
Anyway, what Thomas did was make a series of photographs called "From Enchantment To Down." What they show, is...dead/murdered Disney princesses. And like, before anyone freaks out, it's not the REAL princesses in the pictures. It's just models PRETENDING to be dead. You can relax, Cinderella is still safe.
Alrighty, let's dive into this. Cinderella, I choose you!
I think you guys are going to need to enlarge these to get the full details. But here, we've got Cinderella, who has fallen and can't get up. Glass slipper at the top, pumpkin at the bottom, and creepy "The End Is Near" writing on the wall. The streetlight does a good job of being the light source for poor Cinderella. Combine that with the vignetting going on, it pretty much brings your eye down the steps, and right to her. Personally speaking, this is my favorite of his set....which means...the next pictures I think are worse than this one! Haha! Briliant!
Onto Little Red Riding Hood!
Firstly, I'm not sure why she has what appears to be a wine bottle. Or champagne. I'm not wise when it comes to alcoholic bottles. But that's besides the point.
I think it seems believable. I mean, if she died there, in the doorway...then in theory, you would need a longer exposure to capture the barn interior, thus overexposing the exterior!
But....it doesn't really explain how she died. Like with Cinderella, you can maybe guess she fell down the steps or something. And I suppose we can assume that maybe a wolf attacked her upper half...but I think it would be cooler if we saw wolf tracks in the dirt. Unless that's not how she died. Maybe the manner of death isn't even important? Beats me. When it comes down to it, the picture works...but maybe it could be a bit better.
Chapter three. Snow White
Now we're starting to see a pattern form. This is pretty much the same exact thing as the previous picture, and pose as the previous two. I mean, I'm well aware that if one were to suddenly die in an open space, they wouldn't be standing or posed in a yoga position. But it's very...plain. Because it's a parking garage. I repeat, a parking garage. See, every other picture Thomas did, the setting was fairly believable for the story. You may argue Cinderella didn't have electric street lamps, but they had lanterns back then, and it could theoretically be possible.
But this? A concrete parking garage! Come on Thomas! Try harder! Nothing angers me more than a photographer who puts his subject in the center of the picture against a very plain background! Nothing!
I'm liking this one. It's got a bit of a Red Letter Media Movie Review vibe going, eh? ......No one is getting that joke.
I'll be the first to admit though, I don't really know much about Alice in Wonderland....I don't really like it. I got into a giant fight last year over it....with a teacher. So I don' really know how Alice got killed here. But dang it, I like it. She's not lying down! She's tied up in a chair in a basement! And although the light seems unrealistic, it really adds a nice dramatic flair. I think the obvious and stereotypical way to light this would have been to do an overhead lighting scenario, like in movie interrogation scenes. But I like what he did here, using her and her bright blue dress to contrast against everything else down there. Nice.
Next victim...Ariel!
I just added this one because it's a girl wearing nothing but sea shells and plastic. Next!
....Ok, fine, I'll talk about it.
Firstly, her positioning is...slightly different. She's on her back, as opposed to her stomach. I guess that's pretty good.
Cause of death? ...Well...I'm not sure. I don't know if that plastic is her fins, or if she was swimming, got caught up in garbage, died, washed up on shore, and her fins turned into legs.
My big problem though? The lighting! Again! All the other ones, it was...atleast ok. Streetlights, outside sunlight, and even for Alice and Snow White, an off-screen opening or doorway that's bringing light in. But here? Since she's out in the open, it's just this weird, bright light that shines over her corpse. It's a bit cringe worthy, really.
I don't know what I would do differently...but I would do a lot of things differently.
I mean, I've got ideas, but I figure I shouldn't say them, just in case I ever get falsely accused for murder in a way that is similar to what I'm thinking.
Not that like, I come up with ideas on how to murder princesses in my free time....or when I'm busy! I mean, I don't come up with any murder ideas at all! None! I am firmly against murder! Right?! Right! Next picture please!
Look at it. It's pretty much falling in line with the others ones. I think she may even be in the exact pose as Snow White and Cinderella. There's nothing really left to say about this that hasn't been touched upon in the other ones except....that smoke. Mein Gott! Everything up to this point has look fairly realistic...but man. That's some terrible genie smoke. Maybe they don't have smoke bombs in France? I'm not sure but...dang, that needs some work.
...Although if it turns out that it IS real smoke, then boy, am I ever going to have egg on my face.
And that's all I'm going to delve into. There's a Sleeping Beauty (but with adult magazines around in the picture) in a bed, there's a Pocahontas in a new pose, but surrounded by dead animals ( sad face :( ), and there's a Belle...but it's pretty much just a rehash of some of the others.
On a side note, I often find that unskilled writers, when needing to come up with conclusions to their writings, often begin with "In conclusion." To me, that's just shows laziness, and that they feel like they spent enough time talking about what they needed to talk about that coming up with an interesting phrase is too much of a hassel.
In conclusion, those pictures, as individual pictures, for the most part work. As a series? Ehhhhhh....I really think there needs to be some variety to them. But you know what? The man freakin' said "I'm going to make a photographic series of Disney Princesses and their deaths!" ...or, well, he probably said something more like "Jevais faireune sériephotographique deprincesses Disneyetleursdécès!" But no matter what the language, I think the idea is pretty commendable. Bravo Thomas. You have not achieved perfection, but you have slightly impressed me.
Next week on |The Absolute Value|, Chris takes a look at typologies! Also, don't miss Chris's suggestion for Thomas's next photographic Disney series, Nigel Princesses!
